Don’t Buy a Home with Your Partner Until You’ve Had These Talks
Summer is peak homebuying season—and for many couples, that means navigating one of the biggest financial decisions you’ll make together.
Buying a home with your partner can be exciting. But it also comes with complexity, especially if one or both of you are self-employed or have irregular income.
Before you start scrolling Zillow or visiting open houses, make sure you’ve had these essential conversations:
1. What’s Our Budget—and How Did We Decide That?
Start with a shared understanding of what you can actually afford. That means factoring in:
Current income (including fluctuations)
Existing debts (student loans, credit cards, business loans)
Desired lifestyle (childcare, travel, savings goals)
Emergency fund needs -especially for irregular earners
Home maintenance and repair costs – your mortgage payment is just the beginning of what you may need to pay so don't forget to set aside money to upkeep your new home
If one of you is self-employed, underwriters will look closely at two years of income history. That can impact your borrowing power—so build in margin where possible. Keep in mind that typically a mortgage company will tell you the highest home price they think you will qualify for, do not let that be how you decide on your budget. For many the home price that makes sense is a great deal lower than the most the mortgage company thinks they can “afford” once your other goals and priorities are considered.
2. How Will We Split the Down Payment and Mortgage?
Even if you’ve been sharing expenses for years, a mortgage adds complexity. Will it be 50/50? Proportional to income? What if one person’s name is on the deed but both contribute?
There’s no one right answer—but clarity is important. Put agreements in writing if needed. And if you’re unmarried, consider a cohabitation or property agreement that outlines ownership and exit terms.
3. What Happens if One of Us Can’t Pay?
Life happens. One of you could lose a client, take parental leave, or step back from work. How will you handle the mortgage if that happens?
Having a shared emergency fund—and a plan for temporary coverage—can prevent unnecessary stress during transitions. For self-employed couples, aiming for 9–12 months of essential expenses in a high-yield savings account is a smart move.
4. What’s the Exit Plan?
No one wants to think about what happens if things don’t work out—but being proactive protects both partners, no matter your relationship status.
Whether you're married or not, it’s important to ask:
What happens to the home if we separate—personally or financially?
Will one of us buy out the other’s share?
Will we sell the home and divide the proceeds?
How will we handle shared debt or contributions if we part ways?
It might feel uncomfortable to talk through “what ifs,” but clarity now means fewer surprises and less conflict later on.
5. What Are We Optimizing For—Now and Later?
Is this a starter home, or your long-term home? Are you buying for lifestyle, location, or investment? Understanding your motivations can help guide decisions about price, location, and renovation plans.
It also informs how aggressively you save, how much you borrow, and how long you stay.
Bottom Line
Buying a home as a couple—especially when self-employment and variable income are involved—requires more than good vibes and Zillow alerts. It takes communication, planning, and sometimes, tough conversations.
At Hark, we help couples turn “we should talk about that” into a clear plan for homeownership, financial stability, and long-term security.
Thinking about buying together this year? Let’s make sure you’re aligned—financially and relationally.
